Sun River Part 2

Oops, I totally typed all this out and then lost it. >:(

This post goes with the pictures posted below! We had the privilege of going to Sun River last weekend for Christian's brother Levi's surprise 30th birthday party. We stayed in the most beautiful home with Levi's friends and family. His wife, Tiffany, had been planning this surprise for MONTHS and it was a huge success! Got some good games in, walks, and a few good drinks, too :)
Christian was also featured on Sean Hannity on Monday, November 15th. President George W. Bush was on doing an interview about his new book, and Christian was asked to go to New York to attend the taping. They did a special clip on Christian running with Bush (back in 2006), and a few other pictures. Bush wrote about us in his new book! (page 370 if anyone cares to look--there is also a pic!) Anyway, I wasn't able to go to the taping of the show because of the kids, but fortunately Christian's brother Levi was able to go. They had a blast, and Christian promised to take me back to NYC someday!
I've been thinking a lot this week about how thankful and grateful I am for my healthy, beautiful kids. I talked with a young mother in our office last week who had lost a son only an hour after he was born to spina bifida, and I found myself feeling great sorrow for her. As we talked, she held her second son, a 5 week old little boy (and a miracle). I then started thinking about how fortunate and blessed we were to have Brynne be born completely healthy and perfect after a series of discussions about how she might NOT be. There was serious concern for spina bifida, which was ruled out by ultrasound, but then there were concerns for Trisomy 18, which would have been fatal, then a malformed head, a cyst in her brain...the list goes on. This morning in church the opportunity was given to share in front of the congregation things that you are thankful for. It was a very casual, open mic time. I found myself squiggling in my seat and wanting so much to go up and say how thankful I am for my beautiful and healthy babies. They are sooo precious to me and God has laid that on my heart a lot lately. As I was considering it, Christian came walking down the aisle to the front of the church, holding Brynnie (he had been out walking her in the lobby and had not been next to me for about 25 minutes). He immediately explained how my pregnancy had been complicated and how we were given the choice to terminate it ("bail out" was the correct phrase used), and that I had quickly said that that was not an option for us. He talked about how thankful he was that we had let God lead us, that we had kept her, and thankful that she was healthy and precious and ours. I was struck with the sense that our story needed to be shared one way or another, and if I wasn't going to do it, God would put it on Christian's heart to do it! It was a really special moment to me to see him up there with our little baby girl, as healthy and as sweet as can be.
Anyway, it was really neat and my heart is feeling very full with love for my family, and love for God. I have found that I need to be more thankful and content for the gifts I have been given. We have two wonderful children and a happy marriage...a beautiful home being built for us by wonderful and caring people. I need to be reminded of the big picture very often lately and am trying to focus more on that and not so much on the details. As I learned from the young mother in our office last week, there is always someone watching and learning from us, whether we know it or not. So I am really working on being more positive and having a more thankful heart! Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. :)

Sun River

Fall

This is my favorite season. Noah and I have been going on walks in the "wide wide world" lately and have been raking leaves in the back yard as they fall. The other day I started to show him a pine tree and explained to him the different types of leaves that trees make and how they fall to the ground during this season. I said, "Do you know what type of tree this is?" and he said, "YES--it's a pine tree mama!" He knows a lot more than I thought!

Lately I've been feeling as if I am in a rut. Same old same old. Yet, we have lots going on. And don't get me wrong, I am thankful and grateful for all that we have been blessed with. Just the fact that our children are healthy is a huge blessing. But I just feel depressed. I've always been the type of person who needs to have something to look forward to--a trip, time to myself--something. And right now, I feel as if there's nothing. I've been feeling like I don't know what my purpose is in life. Like, is my sole purpose to just be a mother and a wife? Why did I go to college then? I would love to go back and get my master's, but in what? What should I be doing with my life?

I've been asking myself these questions and also God. I'll admit it's been quite a struggle to get myself to just be still. I know I need to listen and to find contentment. And I know being a mother is a huge job and a huge blessing. I am just now learning to start embracing my role. It's not been easy for me. Does anyone else feel that way? I can think of several mothers who have to work--they have no choice and they would LOVE to just stay at home and love on their children. I love to be home with the kids, but I often feel at the end of my rope. Our Noah is quite a busy child. He has been diagnosed with sensory integration disorder, but the more we look at him and observe, the more we think he may have ADHD. He fits the description to a "t". My heart is broken at this thought, but I am also feeling despair because I am frustrated ALL.THE.TIME. with him. He is so busy and taking and following simple instructions is just not something he does. I can spend 20 minutes asking/telling/helping him to pick up his cars and I finally just end up doing it myself. I feel like every day is a constant battle. But then there are moments when I am looking at him lovingly--love is just pouring from my eyes for him--and he looks back at me and says, "I love you too mama." He is such a precious gift and has such a sweet soul. I just want to know how to mother him and parent him the best way that I can. And it seems everything we are trying is not really too effective. :( So, this area of my life needs prayer.

Brynnie bee is doing great. She is a beautiful baby and is always always smiling. I love her to pieces. This is my absolute favorite stage that she is in right now. From now until about age 2! :)

Time is flying by...

Sorry about the cleavage shot. Guess I could have cropped it out...oh well.


Loves holding his sister :)

such a happy baby

Beach trip with extended family. Beautiful weather!

Our future home! Isn't Mt. Hood BREATHTAKING?!

Raising the first wall!

View from our back yard!

Mt. Hood is hiding behind the house. We have a gorgeous view!

Opening ceremony of our Build Brigade. Someone was singing "You Raise Me Up" and it was beautiful. Yes, I was crying!

Wow time is going by so fast. It is already almost October (my favorite month!) Our house is being built! That all started in late August. So we go up about once a week to check on it and Noah goes and plays in his room. Can't WAIT til it is finished. What a blessing. I am posting some pics of that and of our sweet little babies. Noah started pre-school last week and has almost mastered potty training--thank you LORD! I thought it might never happen. Brynnie is doing great. So sweet and sleeping through the night. She is a content little thing, EXCEPT when you try and give her a bottle. Won't take ANYTHING that is artificial, and believe me, we've tried it ALL. Any tips? This has been a point of serious stress for our family, especially with me working. And when we move, she will be 30 minutes away from my work, so it will be really hard to get her to my work to feed her twice a day. We are praying about it and we know that just might have to make some drastic changes if nothing will work. Babies and family first---everything else, second.

Crazy life!

Wow, time is going by really fast! Brynnie will be three weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe it. She is doing well...has a bit of a cold and I pulled an extremely large, super gross booger out of her nose this morning (do infants make boogers?? Yes, I found out. They do.) Anyway, we have figured that she sleeps at night from midnight to around 5 or 6 am. Really nice, but also crummy when we want to go to bed at 10 pm and her little peepers are WIDE open. She doesn't cry (until we put her down). She just looks around and is happy. She is the most beautiful thing I've seen on this earth (besides Noah).

We are still missing Macie a lot. There is a drag mark out on the street in front of our house that won't go away. Could it please just rain and wash it away so we don't have to see it every time we go outside? I am reminded of how awful the whole ordeal was and I just get sad. It was so sad to watch her go that way. You always sort of just imagine you'll have to eventually "put them down". No one expects what happened to happen. :( We saw a dog on the dock today and it jumped in the river and was paddling around and I couldn't help but start crying. I miss my old friend :(

On an happier note, my mom watched the kids for a few hours this morning so Christian and I could go fishing on the boat. It was REALLY nice. The river was absolutely still and we caught several fish. The alone time to talk and not be distracted was amazing! We caught this beautiful fish. It was the smallest (obviously) so I had to take a picture of it :) Just a baby!

Fun times.

My Old Friend

You died one week ago today, on Father's day. 4 days after we celebrated Brynnie's birth. You barely got to meet her, then you were gone. It has taken me that long to be able to really sit down and write about it. We all watched you go, but we weren't ready to say goodbye. I held you close to me and told you I loved you, always, and that you were a good friend to me. I hoped you weren't gone yet and that you heard me. You made my life happy when I was sad, and when I cried, you were always there to give kisses. When my feet were sore, you licked them, and you protected our family, and especially me. It was just you and me in the beginning and I never felt lonesome. You loved my Noah bear and tolerated his too-tight squeezes and loves.

I'm sorry we weren't watching you closer. I wish things had been different and that I would have paid better attention. I wish I hadn't seen it happen. I will never get it out of my mind. I wish you hadn't suffered at all or been in any pain.

Noah-bear misses you and asks about you every day. He doesn't understand where you went. We told him you went to be with Jesus, and he wants us to come and get you. He asks where Jesus lives and why we can't just go to his house. We just say that we can't. He hugs his Macie dog extra tight at night, and we do, too sometimes.

Now, our home feels hollow. You aren't there at my feet when I get out of bed. You don't bark when someone rings the doorbell. You don't wait patiently for your food in the morning. There is no hair on the carpet for me to vacuum up and get frustrated at. Water play this summer won't be the same without you, and our popsicle nights sitting out on the lawn will be different.

We buried you where we will make our new home. We hope you like it as much as we do. There are lots of flowers and Mt. Hood is right there. It is breathtaking and we are glad you are there to enjoy it.

I'm so glad we got to take you to the beach one last time. I think it was your favorite spot. You loved hopping in the water and chasing after your ball. You were getting old, but at the beach, you were young again

I miss you. Thank you for being a better friend to me and our family than anyone else. We know you loved us. You were a beautiful creation and you were a selfless little thing. Unconditional love was always what you gave, no matter what. We love you, Mace.

My Old Friend by Tim McGraw

My old friend, I recall
The times we had hanging on my wall
I wouldn't trade them for gold
Cause they laugh and they cry me
Somehow sanctify me
They're woven in the stories I have told
And tell again

My old friend, I apologize
For the years that have passed
Since the last time you and I
Dusted off those memories
But the running and the races
The people and the places
There's always somewhere else I had to be
Time gets slim, my old friend

Don't know why, don't know why
Don't know why, don't know why

My old friend, this song's for you
Cause a few simple verses
Was the least that I could do
To tell the world that you were here
Cause the love and the laughter
Will live on long after
All of the sadness and the tears
Til we meet again, my old friend

Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye

My old friend, my old friend
Goodbye, goodbye

Brynne Johanna Bagge

Brynnie is here! She arrived June 16th at 6:20 pm. She weighed 7 lbs 3 oz and is 19 inches long! Labor was amazing, actually--she was delivered by a midwife which was exactly what I was hoping would happen, and this lady was BRILLIANT! Anyway, here are some pics!!

5 years ago...

Today is Christian's "Alive Day". 5 years ago today, he was injured. I am grateful for him and for his life that was spared. He is such an amazing father, husband, and person. He has a gentle spirit that many people do not know about, but I see it, and it's what drew me to him in the first place.
To see him with his son is quite an amazing thing. Although he is often tired, he never shows it...and always has energy for Noah. He is creative and loving and sensitive, and he would put up a fight in an instant for his family.
I love you honey. I am so proud of you. Thank you for your daily sacrifices and for your positive attitude and zeal for life.

Brynnie Jo :)

Her new nickname is Brynnie Jo :) Never really liked the middle name Jo, but it sorta fits with her :)

The latest with her, by the way, is that I'm going to the doc every 4 days. Haven't heard of anyone else going this often, but all due to the abnormal AFP scores for spina bifida. They discovered last week that my amniotic fluid is lower than it should be, so they will be measuring it again this Thursday. If it gets too low, they will start giving me things to get my cervix ready, then they will induce. I have to say, I'd really like to experience natural labor, on my own. No induction, please. Obviously I want whatever is best for the baby, and would love to be done with being pregnant, but I desperately don't want to be induced. It SUCKED with Noah. The contractions were more like A contraction. One, big, long contraction. I literally didn't get a break from them til I finally got my epidural. They actually were controlling them by turning my pitocin up and down. It's just not natural folks. Please pray that I will naturally go into labor. I'd like to feel what it feels like to have natural contractions, and to have them S-L-O-W-L-Y get closer and closer and stronger and stronger. Not just all the sudden TERRIBLE. So anyway. Yes. Natural labor please. I have a good friend who just had a baby girl two days ago. She said her contractions were, at the end, two minutes apart. Good grief--I'd be happy with two minutes apart! I didn't know labor was any other way.
Anyhoo--I'm 36 weeks on Friday. Can't believe I still have a month to go. I'm definitely nesting. Weird, cause I never really nested like this with Noah. Yesterday I was sweating (like, A LOT), moving from room to room and finding an never-ending list of things that needed to be done. There is just so much, it seems. I just want to be prepared!
I had a baby shower at church on Sunday, and another one at work today, then I have one on Saturday for family and friends. Wow! What a blessing. So far we have a ton of clothes for her. Still need oodles but we'll figure it out. Not as anxious about that part as the first time around, which is pretty normal I guess.
Anyway--I'm rambling now. Just wanted to post how things are going with our baby girl. Can't wait to meet you, Brynnie!

new pics

Took some pics of my handsome boy the other day :)
Such a beautiful sight to me!

not much goin on'

Ahhh not much going on these days. I am 31 weeks tomorrow and was supposed to have an appointment today to check Brynnee's growth, but got cancelled. Somebody else had to go and have a baby so the doc wasn't available :( So--tomorrow it is! I will have the full ultrasound to see how she's doing. Last time they estimated she weighed 2.6 pounds, so hopefully she has grown!! I know I have. I've done a wonderful job putting on 10 pounds in the last month. I feel awesome about it. Christian thinks I can gain another 20 before she comes out--so I might just hold him to it. >:( At this point I've just decided to not worry about it. The motivation I feel to lose all this weight ALREADY makes me know that I WILL lose it. Weight Schmeight.

Anyway--just wanted to give an update. Noah is blossoming before our eyes. He is the most precious, beautiful little child. And he has such a kind little heart. The other night we had movie night with our little family, where he stays up way past his bedtime and sits in between daddy and I on the couch and munches popcorn. Like seriously, his eyes don't leave the TV and the popcorn is constantly being shoveled into his mouth. It's hilarious to watch. Anyway, so I had popped him his own little bowl of popcorn and several minutes after he had been eating it, he simply said, "Thank you for my popcorn mama". I am so amazed at the thoughtfulness of the child. Like really? I didn't even remind him to thank me.

On a totally different note, my favorite quote of the day, and possibly weeks, came from Christian today. He walked into the house (I was upstairs, he was down) and all he said was, "That garbage can smells like assholes." then walked back out. Didn't even wait for a response. The funniest part to me was that he thought it smelled like several assholes...plural. Not just one, but several. I've been chuckling to myself all day. :)

Brynne update

So....a little worried about our Brynne. I went in for an ultrasound today to measure her and make sure she's growing ok. Usually in pregnancy, you have 1, maybe 2 ultrasounds. I've had 5. And the doctor wants to do another one in 4 weeks.

When I had the quad screen done, they found high levels of AFP in my blood, which usually points to spinabifida. Her chances of having spinabifida were 1 in 45. So we had special testing done in Portland and a super long ultrasound, where the doctor ruled out spinabifida (thank the Lord!) but found a cyst in her brain, which he assured us is fairly normal and could "be gone tomorrow". But he said that sometimes with high AFP readings, women can go into labor early or the baby could be undernourished. So they've been checking her growth and making sure everything is ok.
Today she weighs approximately 2.6 pounds. She was breach, and still is (I can actually tell!), so that has me a little concerned, but hey--she has two months to right herself, right?

The one thing that worried me was the doctor saying, as she was doing the ultrasound, "Did you have an amniocentesis?" Now...why would she ask that? To worry us? Well, it worked. And then when she was all done, she said she wanted to do another ultrasound in 4 weeks. Finally I was like, "Hey, so why all the ultrasounds?" and she explained about the checking the growth thing. Then I asked what might happen if she's NOT growing properly. The doctor said they would induce, because that would mean that the uterus is no longer the best place for her to be; she'd do better outside the womb. So then, of course, I asked when the earliest they would induce would be. And she said, "Well, I'm expecting you'll make it to at least 32 weeks." Which is in like....5 weeks. So...that has had me thinking all day that, wow, we could maybe have a baby in a little over a month...two months premature.
If you have a moment, please say a prayer for our Brynne ("Brynnie-bear" as Noah has taken to calling her). Please pray that she grows!!
They also said her head is a little mis-shapen...please, no coneheads. I am praying for that to right itself, too.
We love you Brynnie bear :) Stay in there for a while longer...

5 years...

Happy 5 years to my love :) What a long road we have been on, it seems, in only 5 years' time. I am so proud of us for stepping it up when we needed to and for persevering. Our first year of marriage was definitely not the year we had in mind, was it? Living out of a hospital room for the first 4 months was not what I had pictured...But we made it, sweetheart! I am so proud of you--you are such a strong and courageous person, and a wonderful daddy. Our son looks up to you in a way that is indescribable, and I love watching it. I love that you make change when you know it is necessary, and you are willing to sacrifice so that our little family may have more.

I love you!!!!

So young looking! We did a lot of growing up in our first year...

One year after we eloped, we had a big wedding with family and friends. Christian had just learned to walk again and it was so very special to dance with him!

Almost 6 months!

(it's a virgin marg, people)

I can't believe how time is flying by! I'm almost 6 months pregnant. Amazing. It's getting hard to rock Noah at night. He doesn't need it; he goes to sleep on his own, but for me, it's our time together and I like snuggling with him. But my stomach is literally starting to get in the way of holding him. He has no place to be! :( How sad. I'm not ready to give that part of my day up!

We heard from Homes for Our Troops a few days ago; we had a conference call and got some really great news. Looks like they're planning (tentatively) for a build brigade the weekend of April 23. That's where they put the whole outside of the house up over the weekend. Then it will be weather-proof and they can finish the inside. We are looking at a completion date of June 29th. Baby Brynne should be here by then!! (by the way--can't decide how to spell her name--which looks better--Brynne Johanna Bagge or Brinn Johanna Bagge Not sure. Thoughts?)

That's pretty much it. Still really enjoying my job and we have some little trips here and there planned in the next few months, which is always fun. A trip to the beach in March and then a marriage retreat in April. I always like having things to look forward to :)

This pic is in Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. I just got back last Saturday from an all girls trip to Mexico for 8 days. It was fun, but boy I could have done without all the drama that always comes with girls who are together longer than 8 hours. Like, really--do you really care if I go clubbing with you or not? Why can't I just stay back here and read or sleep, or do other things that pregnant people love to do?! I even sent out a disclaimer email beforehand, stating that I am not a drinker (duh, but especially now that I'm pregnant) and that I wouldn't be going to clubs, staying out late, etc. I paid good money for this vacation, and I was going to do what I wanted to do, dangit! I just didn't want people to think I "didn't like them" or whatever. But seriously, are there really pregos that go to clubs til 4 am?? Well, if there are, I'm not one of them.

Anyway, for the most part, it was a fun time and I enjoyed getting to know the different girls and spending time in the sun and pool. I even rented a wave runner (don't worry--it was safe, I didn't go too fast). And went whale watching, where I spent 3 of the 4 hours feeding the whales by leaning my pregnant body over the side of the teeny tiny raft and puking. And yes, half the blood vessels in my eyes DID pop. It was awesome. But thankfully, it IS true that once you get off the boat, you're completely fine. Just. Super. Tired.

Anyhow--so the next vacay I go on will be with my family. I missed them ;)

Below is a pic of a little private island my friend Amber and I took a boat to--gorgeous!

baby girl on the way!

Oh my, it's been a long time. The latest news is that I'm PREGNANT! I am due June 22 and we are really excited, although this was completely unexpected and unplanned. AND--we also found out we are having a GIRL! The first girl grandbaby on my side of the family, so that makes us proud :) We decided to name her Brynne Johanna Bagge (after Christian--his first name is Johan--pronounced like Yo-hahn) Anyway, so that is exciting!
We did have a few scares--mainly we were concerned that she might have spinabifida. But after close ultrasound and other tests, everything looks good for the most part. There is a chance that I could have her early, because of the tests that they did. So I'm not to overlook any Braxton Hicks and am supposed to take it easy. I have been having a lot of cramping and that makes me nervous, so it's water water water and rest rest rest when that happens. Not used to it.

Because of all the testing we were able to find out the sex early (I am only 19 weeks now and we found out 2 weeks ago!) So we are praising the Lord for many things. Noah knew all along it would be a baby sister and he is already calling her "Brynnee". It's so sweet :) Live is good!

Below is a family pic at Christmas :)