Noah

Noah was diagnosed with Severe ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) in December. We are not at all surprised by this diagnosis, but in a way, I hoped they might say that his behavior is fairly normal for a boy his age---they didn't. Instead they referred him to a psychiatrist on an emergency basis. They actually used the word emergency in their letter.
In our hearts, we knew that no amount of "talk therapy" or parenting classes would help our boy. We have tried everything. I could go into lots more detail, but to be honest, I'm quite tired of having to explain myself and our actions to everyone else. Explaining his actions becomes exhausting and it just makes me sad.
So, in short, we have started down the path of medications. Christian was EXTREMELY resistant to this for a long time. He finally realized that Noah's behaviors were affecting every aspect of our lives. Our daughter never had peace in our home (no one did, for that matter), we had stopped attending church because he was hurting kids in Sunday school, we were in marriage counseling because of differing opinions on how to discipline (when none of the discipline worked anyway), and Noah was having problems at school. Every aspect of our lives was affected. So Christian finally admitted that yes, we have tried everything...what's the next step?
So this is our next step. Trying medication after medication. We have seen some good things, but not a day goes by where we don't question, deep inside. We feel like this is what is best. It's not perfect, but it's best right now.
I have been thinking about God and how much he loves us, as his children. My love for Noah is immeasurable, and then I think of God. And I am reminded that Noah is a gift for me to care for, but ultimately he is God's. And I need to try and let go of controlling everything and find rest in the Lord.
I am an organized person and I have things planned out, always. But our life seems to have really taken a turn lately. Christian and I are united as a couple, and we are both on the same page, and that feels good. But others don't agree with our decisions and don't support us, and that makes things really hard. There comes a point where you have to just loosen a relationship and let it go a little in order for your family to be ok and for you to support each other as two married people. And that's what we've had to do, which has not been easy. Who in the world could think that we wouldn't make the best decisions for our children? We have agonized, prayed, cried, prayed, sought counsel...I just don't understand how others can question a parent's decision. If you came into our home, you would see the love and that we only want what is best for our kids.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh goodness. If anyone has any resources on connecting with other parents of kids with ADHD, I would love to get some more info. We are trying to learn as much as we can, and it would be much appreciated!
Xoxo...

Pumpkin Patch

A few weekends ago we did the pumpkin patch thing. It was a lot of fun to be able to have my sister Jessica here in town to come with us. Andi & Chris also came, along with Noah's cousin Max. We had a great time!
Last weekend my good friend Jen from college drove out from Idaho with her two boys, and we had a great time! Jen, if you're reading this--post your pics of our weekend together! (Since I didn't get a single picture). It was surreal at times to have so many little ones running around (4), but it was great to catch up with her and I felt special that she drove all that way (5 1/2 hours with two boys!) Thanks Jen! I am looking forward to driving out to Idaho in a few weeks to visit all my college friends. They really are the BEST. I remember that every time I am around them. Good friends, the ones who know you through all phases of life and all moods, and still love you, are hard to come by!

We are taking the kids to Disneyland in a few days, so I'm sure I will have lots of pictures to post soon!!

Lurkers

This is weird. I've noticed I've had lots of lurkers poking around on my blog. Don't know who they are; not sure I want them reading my stuff. So, I am turning my blog private in a few days. If you read it regularly, send me an email or something and I will add your email to it so you can check it out. I love that my friends read up on my & my family, but not strangers :)
xoxo
Melissa

Noah bear update

Well we ended up meeting with Noah's preschool teacher a few weeks ago and what a relief that meeting was.  All in all, they suggested that we actually have Noah come to preschool more.  They think the structure and have a regular schedule will really help him, and it definitely has.  I know these two women that we met with very well; one gal came to our home once a week for two years for a church home group, and also attends our church.  These women only have Noah's best interest in mind and we completely trust them.  So we are having him go one full day to preschool and one other day for 4 hours (before he was just going one day a week).  His behavior has improved dramatically.  Praise the Lord.  I am not saying he is cured, but we have seen a drastic improvement.  And I used to get him a special drink every preschool day, no matter what, but now he has to have no time outs and good behavior in order to have his special drink.  The last 3 times, he has gotten his special drink :) HUGE accomplishment for him.  I am so proud and relieved. 
And for some reason, I have realized how precious he is (even more than before...is that possible?), and I absolutely KNOW God has given me more patience.  Things have been so much better.  All I can say is, Praise God! 
We still are taking Noah to the doctor in November to have is 4 year check up and also to have him evaluated and to see if he needs to be referred to another specialist.  (November was the soonest we could get him in!)
And the little girl who was injured is healing great.  She didn't lose her tooth and her little head looks great.  From what I hear, she and Noah are inseparable at preschool now.  They are like best buds :)  I told him, "I think she must have really liked the picture you drew for her" and he just nodded.  He is such a sweet boy.
So thank you for your prayers.  I know God is good, always, and I have definitely felt him at work in all of us recently.  So thank you!  xoxo Melissa

Noah

Noah pushed a little girl on the playground yesterday, resulting in a trip to the ER and the dentist for her.  She would have had to get stitches, but they didn't want to have the huge gash on her head scar, so they used the steri-strips.  She also had a tooth knocked up into her gums.  He then went on to throw things at other kids, mess with their crafts, scribble on the teacher's schedule, etc. 
I was gently informed of this when I went to pick him up.  I am so upset.  I spent all evening crying and trying to talk with him and see what was going through his mind.  He told me he put his "mean eyes" on.  I don't even know where he got that phrase.  I have been going through in my head everything that we have/haven't done and I feel like a failure.  Feelings of guilt are just coming up and yet, I feel as if we have tried EVERYTHING for his behavior.  I had talked with my mom and others and we have all noticed improvements in his behavior over the last few weeks, and now this happens.
So we are meeting with his preschool teacher and the director of the preschool.  I feel as if they will say, "He needs to take a break from preschool".  They also mentioned having him see a specialist.  We have already had him screened by ECI (three times).  The most recent screening was only a few months ago and they told us he didn't need any special education, just behavioral direction.  So we have been working on that. We also had him going to therapy for over a year.  No results, so we stopped that. 
I am just so flustered and at a loss.  We have made sure not to leave him alone with Brynne, out of fear that he will impulsively hurt her or something.  Now this has happened to another child.  I feel so awful.  We have offered to pay for her medical/dental expenses and are trying to do everything we can, but I just can't stop thinking about the poor girl's parents.  Imagining the call her poor mama got saying she was bleeding profusely and being taken to the ER.  I'm not trying to be overly dramatic...I know kids push other kids all the time, but it just sucks to think about how I would feel if it had been Noah that this happened to.
The teachers also told me that he was not very remorseful and was not really affected by the sight of all that blood (and apparently, there was a lot).  I'd like to believe that he was shocked and got very quiet.  That is how he's reacted before.  He accidentally fell on Brynne a while back and she was crying and he got very still and quiet.  I could tell he felt bad and was sorry, but to others, he may have appeared to be indifferent and un-remorseful.
I don't know :(  I have been praying and praying. I laid next to him in bed last night and sobbed. I know he is a good child and he is so smart.  He really does have a loving heart, but the impulsivity is a major problem.  What do I do next?  Right now we are just waiting.  We will write the little girl a letter and tell her we are sorry and we are praying for her recovery.  And we have been praying for her with Noah...but right now I feel despair.  I know God's hand is in this and He will make it work out for something good, but it's hard to see the light at the end of this long and confusing tunnel.  Please pray for my boy.  I am concerned for him.

Mama

My dear mama suffered a massive heart attack on Monday night. She was at Kahneeta with her twin sister and started having chest pain and collapsed. She was taken by ambulance to Warm Springs and it was quickly determined that she would need Life Flight. She was life-flighted to Bend and was taken into emergency surgery to place a stent. Had she waited 5 minutes longer, she would have died.

This week has kind of been a whirlwind of emotions. My sister, step dad and I drove to Bend through the night on Monday night. What should have only been a 2 1/2 hour drive ended up being over 5 hours because of all the wildfires. Halfway into our trip, we had to turn around and go a different way. Our anxiety was through the roof and I just wanted to walk into the hospital room and see her and make sure she was ok. Finally we were able to see her at around 5:15 in the morning Tuesday. What a relief.

It is amazing that life can be taken so quickly. Mama said she was at peace and truly felt as if she were going. It is a peace that passes all understanding, exactly what Christian felt when he lay on the desert floor in Iraq 6 years ago. How can anyone possibly be so calm in such a situation? God's presence. I am so grateful she is still here. We all show our emotions in different ways, I've learned. My older sister has been hysterical and protective, and I am the organizer, wanting to get there, wanting to make sure everyone's ok and taken care of. But I have been hysterical too. I think sometimes the brain just doesn't allow you to feel, because if you were to feel, you simply couldn't cope. Thus, the numbness. I was this way when I learned of Christian's injuries. It's not the way I chose to be, it's just the way I was. My time to grieve for him came much later, when everything was ok.

Today I stayed home from work to be with mama and make sure she was ok and not alone. She rested and I did a puzzle, answered the phone for her, made her breakfast and lunch, etc. I gave her a little pedicure and we joked about me having to put on safety goggles and pull out the chainsaw because her toenails needed much love :) But it was special to me. My heart was feeling heavy and glad and I just wanted to curl up next to her and be quiet. It's funny how things like this can make you realize all you have and all you want to have.

I am so thankful that she is still here. She is such a patient and loving person. And a wonderful GG to my babies. I love her so much. Remember to tell your mamas you love them tonight.

JUST PHOTOS!

bonfire!

Me and London, my niece. She was dying for me to take her picture :)

Noah

Two of my great friends, and our babies :)

Our 6 year anniversary

Brynne & Noah

Mama & the baby peach

Brynne's room

Part of our home (living & dining room)

Brynne at our girls' beach trip. She loved looking out the window.

First swimming suit!