Noah bear update

Well we ended up meeting with Noah's preschool teacher a few weeks ago and what a relief that meeting was.  All in all, they suggested that we actually have Noah come to preschool more.  They think the structure and have a regular schedule will really help him, and it definitely has.  I know these two women that we met with very well; one gal came to our home once a week for two years for a church home group, and also attends our church.  These women only have Noah's best interest in mind and we completely trust them.  So we are having him go one full day to preschool and one other day for 4 hours (before he was just going one day a week).  His behavior has improved dramatically.  Praise the Lord.  I am not saying he is cured, but we have seen a drastic improvement.  And I used to get him a special drink every preschool day, no matter what, but now he has to have no time outs and good behavior in order to have his special drink.  The last 3 times, he has gotten his special drink :) HUGE accomplishment for him.  I am so proud and relieved. 
And for some reason, I have realized how precious he is (even more than before...is that possible?), and I absolutely KNOW God has given me more patience.  Things have been so much better.  All I can say is, Praise God! 
We still are taking Noah to the doctor in November to have is 4 year check up and also to have him evaluated and to see if he needs to be referred to another specialist.  (November was the soonest we could get him in!)
And the little girl who was injured is healing great.  She didn't lose her tooth and her little head looks great.  From what I hear, she and Noah are inseparable at preschool now.  They are like best buds :)  I told him, "I think she must have really liked the picture you drew for her" and he just nodded.  He is such a sweet boy.
So thank you for your prayers.  I know God is good, always, and I have definitely felt him at work in all of us recently.  So thank you!  xoxo Melissa

Noah

Noah pushed a little girl on the playground yesterday, resulting in a trip to the ER and the dentist for her.  She would have had to get stitches, but they didn't want to have the huge gash on her head scar, so they used the steri-strips.  She also had a tooth knocked up into her gums.  He then went on to throw things at other kids, mess with their crafts, scribble on the teacher's schedule, etc. 
I was gently informed of this when I went to pick him up.  I am so upset.  I spent all evening crying and trying to talk with him and see what was going through his mind.  He told me he put his "mean eyes" on.  I don't even know where he got that phrase.  I have been going through in my head everything that we have/haven't done and I feel like a failure.  Feelings of guilt are just coming up and yet, I feel as if we have tried EVERYTHING for his behavior.  I had talked with my mom and others and we have all noticed improvements in his behavior over the last few weeks, and now this happens.
So we are meeting with his preschool teacher and the director of the preschool.  I feel as if they will say, "He needs to take a break from preschool".  They also mentioned having him see a specialist.  We have already had him screened by ECI (three times).  The most recent screening was only a few months ago and they told us he didn't need any special education, just behavioral direction.  So we have been working on that. We also had him going to therapy for over a year.  No results, so we stopped that. 
I am just so flustered and at a loss.  We have made sure not to leave him alone with Brynne, out of fear that he will impulsively hurt her or something.  Now this has happened to another child.  I feel so awful.  We have offered to pay for her medical/dental expenses and are trying to do everything we can, but I just can't stop thinking about the poor girl's parents.  Imagining the call her poor mama got saying she was bleeding profusely and being taken to the ER.  I'm not trying to be overly dramatic...I know kids push other kids all the time, but it just sucks to think about how I would feel if it had been Noah that this happened to.
The teachers also told me that he was not very remorseful and was not really affected by the sight of all that blood (and apparently, there was a lot).  I'd like to believe that he was shocked and got very quiet.  That is how he's reacted before.  He accidentally fell on Brynne a while back and she was crying and he got very still and quiet.  I could tell he felt bad and was sorry, but to others, he may have appeared to be indifferent and un-remorseful.
I don't know :(  I have been praying and praying. I laid next to him in bed last night and sobbed. I know he is a good child and he is so smart.  He really does have a loving heart, but the impulsivity is a major problem.  What do I do next?  Right now we are just waiting.  We will write the little girl a letter and tell her we are sorry and we are praying for her recovery.  And we have been praying for her with Noah...but right now I feel despair.  I know God's hand is in this and He will make it work out for something good, but it's hard to see the light at the end of this long and confusing tunnel.  Please pray for my boy.  I am concerned for him.

Mama

My dear mama suffered a massive heart attack on Monday night. She was at Kahneeta with her twin sister and started having chest pain and collapsed. She was taken by ambulance to Warm Springs and it was quickly determined that she would need Life Flight. She was life-flighted to Bend and was taken into emergency surgery to place a stent. Had she waited 5 minutes longer, she would have died.

This week has kind of been a whirlwind of emotions. My sister, step dad and I drove to Bend through the night on Monday night. What should have only been a 2 1/2 hour drive ended up being over 5 hours because of all the wildfires. Halfway into our trip, we had to turn around and go a different way. Our anxiety was through the roof and I just wanted to walk into the hospital room and see her and make sure she was ok. Finally we were able to see her at around 5:15 in the morning Tuesday. What a relief.

It is amazing that life can be taken so quickly. Mama said she was at peace and truly felt as if she were going. It is a peace that passes all understanding, exactly what Christian felt when he lay on the desert floor in Iraq 6 years ago. How can anyone possibly be so calm in such a situation? God's presence. I am so grateful she is still here. We all show our emotions in different ways, I've learned. My older sister has been hysterical and protective, and I am the organizer, wanting to get there, wanting to make sure everyone's ok and taken care of. But I have been hysterical too. I think sometimes the brain just doesn't allow you to feel, because if you were to feel, you simply couldn't cope. Thus, the numbness. I was this way when I learned of Christian's injuries. It's not the way I chose to be, it's just the way I was. My time to grieve for him came much later, when everything was ok.

Today I stayed home from work to be with mama and make sure she was ok and not alone. She rested and I did a puzzle, answered the phone for her, made her breakfast and lunch, etc. I gave her a little pedicure and we joked about me having to put on safety goggles and pull out the chainsaw because her toenails needed much love :) But it was special to me. My heart was feeling heavy and glad and I just wanted to curl up next to her and be quiet. It's funny how things like this can make you realize all you have and all you want to have.

I am so thankful that she is still here. She is such a patient and loving person. And a wonderful GG to my babies. I love her so much. Remember to tell your mamas you love them tonight.

JUST PHOTOS!

bonfire!

Me and London, my niece. She was dying for me to take her picture :)

Noah

Two of my great friends, and our babies :)

Our 6 year anniversary

Brynne & Noah

Mama & the baby peach

Brynne's room

Part of our home (living & dining room)

Brynne at our girls' beach trip. She loved looking out the window.

First swimming suit!

Sensory Processing Disorder

Noah has been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. We have known about his "condition" for over a year now (almost two), but it has taken us quite some time to get accustomed to it (will we ever?) We are still in somewhat of a state of denial, and it's amazing how many people try to throw in their two cents. Like, as soon as it seems we've accepted this diagnosis, someone says, "He's just a boy. He's perfectly normal." And we second guess ourselves. The thing is this: we love our son more than anything. We would do anything for him. And we are not LOOKING for something to be wrong or different with him. But the truth is, something is different with him. Something that, to be quite honest, exhausts us, frustrates us, baffles us. As new parents, we assume that these behaviors are normal, until told otherwise...until other peers are observed and we realize, WOW, his behavior is not normal. Anyway, the main thing I'm feeling is that if there is ANYTHING we can do for him to help him cope, to help him adjust to his environments, etc. etc., LET'S DO IT. Why not try everything under the sun? We've been told that he will soon alienate himself from his peers, from adults, from strangers. His behaviors will go from being cute to being really annoying, and others will not want to be around him. He will have a hard time making friends. He will suffer in school. These thoughts are terrifying to us. But so is the thought that we are "labeling" our child. What do we do? For now, we have him in therapy once a week, and we do home therapy also. But we haven't seen much improvement, or rather, we don't know what kind of improvement to be looking for. We have read books, done research online, talked with friends, caregivers, teachers, etc. And we have prayed. I just want my sweet boy to have the best, and I want to make all the resources available to him that I can. *sigh* What a complicated and emotional issue. Please say a prayer for our Noah bear.

Random

Wow, I usually wait to blog until I have pictures to post. Unfortunately, we can't find our camera cord so we can't download any photos :( Bummer. I've really been wanting to post pictures of our house. Lots of people have asked about it and want to see what it looks like. I really want to show it off, but can't :( Another day, I suppose!
Christian & I celebrated our 6 year anniversary on the 9th of March. 6 years has gone by really fast, it seems, and yet, it seems so far away (our wedding day). Life was sooo simple for us when we got married, and we thought it was hard! I carry a letter around in my wallet that Christian wrote me (an email, actually, that I printed off). He talks about how he hopes that this (him being away at war) is the hardest thing we will ever have to go through, and how it will make us stronger, and how we will surely face hardships down the road. It's so strange to read it because it's almost like he wrote it for the present, but God meant it to be read in the future. I pull it out every now and then and read it and think about our life. One of the things I really am bummed about is vacationing. We have lots of free time to go on little excursions, but Christian is quite limited in what he can physically do. The zoo? Lots of walking--too much. It seriously IS a lot to ask of him to take the kids to the zoo for the day. Multnomah falls? Lots of walking. Uphill. The beach? Sand is THE WORST surface for an amputee to walk on. His right leg's toe has to touch a hard surface, then is programmed to make his knee bend so he can take a step. Since sand is so forgiving, his leg doesn't kick, etc. etc. Anyway--Hawaii, Mexico anyone? All the things you do on these tropical vacations--swim, hike, sunbathe, walk, jetski.....hmph. I'm not trying to be a downer, but it really has got me down lately. People often say, "Just focus on all the things you CAN do." And that is terrific advice. And I do try to do that. But when you're trying to plan a vacation it gets kind of difficult with all these hurdles to consider, and how to get around them. I'm guessing we will just probably have to vacation with other couples, or with grandparents when we want to take the kids along...for extra help. It will all work out...and we CAN still do them, we will just have to do things a little differently, I guess.
My mom told me a while back that she couldn't think of a better match for me than Christian, and she couldn't think of a better person for Christian than me. That made me feel really good. I know that in my heart, but to hear someone else say it makes me feel so blessed. He really is a special man and a wonderful dad. Speaking of, Brynnie is starting to say words. Mainly, "Da da". I try to get her to say "Mama" and "Da da" comes out. She LOVES him, and Noah too (oh and me also). Soo precious. She's also waving now. What an absolute miracle!

Noah is also a joy in our lives. He talks CONSTANTLY and always asks questions like, "What would happen if a skunk ate a car?" or "What would happen if Brynne sat on the sun?? ...would she get an owie? Would the firetrucks have to come? What would she say?" These go on and on and onnnnn. I just try to soak it all in. He is so innocent and curious. He is totally discovering the world right now and I love watching him learn. :)
We are truly a blessed family!

Getting settled!

A pic of us entering our key ceremony! More pictures of the inside of the house as soon as I can find my camera cord!

Well, we are almost settled into our new home! We just got internet...I have been out of the loop forever it seems like! We received the keys to our new home on February 5th. It was such a special ceremony and a whirlwind of people. We were pretty much moved in THAT day, thanks to the help of hundreds of volunteers. Safeway donated A TON of food (30 boxes!) and that was a huge help. Our cupboards and fridge were completely filled with food, diapers, toiletries, etc. Thank you, Safeway! We were also given $300 in gift cards which came in very very handy! I want to post pictures but I can't find our camera cord (packed away, still!). Our house is absolutely beautiful. It is over 2600 sq feet and is all completely wheelchair accessible. All one floor, 4 bedrooms, a beautiful slate fireplace. We are loving it. This is a gift that we will open every day for the rest of our lives! If anyone is interested in donating to this worthy cause, see http://www.homesforourtroops.org/ Schools around the country have chosen to fundraise for this non-profit organization and it is truly a wonderful organization to give money to.

I will post pics as soon as possible!

On a completely different note, I took Brynnie to get her first professional pictures yesterday. She is an absolute DOLL! I AM able to post these since I got a CD of all the proofs. What a precious little joy she is! Can't believe she is already 8 months old! Time has gone by so quickly. She is crawling and starting to say "Da da". No teeth though. One started popping through on the bottom a few months ago but then decided to go away.

Anyway, here are some pictures!